Blog Ring-Topic #3 I feel most at peace when...

Um, never...I don't think I even remember the meaning of the word peace! LOL! It all started about 4 years ago when Seth entered our lives-forever changing them. I was NOT supposed to have a fourth child (much less a fifth). You see, dh had a darn vasetcomy. Nope, from my tone you can tell I wasn't too awfully happy with that decision but it was one we made nonetheless. And yeah WE made it. I have such high risk pregnancies and at the time, one pregnancy loss was all I was willing to deal with. So snip, snip...no more hard pregnancies which included bed rest, constant contractions, among other things. I cried my eyes out for two weeks at the thought of never having another child. Then asked God to take that pain away, and He did. By the time Courtney was three years old I was pretty satisfied with three kids-or at least it didn't cause me physical pain anymore at the thought of never having another. Five years after the vasectomy, lo and behold...I was surprisingly pregnant. I called that doctor a liar-after all dh was shooting blanks and I knew where *I* had been-LOL! He just laughed and said nope you are pregnant. That was Christy-I talked about her in a previous post and am not in the mood to talk about her anymore tonight. I will say that I didn't fully believe that doctor until I saw her heart beating so furiously on the ultra sound screen at 5.5 weeks gestation. I think that is why her loss came as such a big surprise-we had seen her alive!!

Seth was such a WANTED child. I NEEDED him but he turned our lives upside down. He is good about change and this includes leaving the house and going to the grocery store. Such a trip would cause some serious repercussions in the way of crying and clinginess-even as a newborn. We stayed home...and stayed home even more when he started throwing those tantrums. Nope, there is never peace in my life...not with a four year old bundle of energy such as Seth. A sweet child...beautiful child...precious to me more than gold or silver. And we call him our little Monser. (I NOT a monster momma, I a BOY) Seth turned 4 this month. He's grown out of his inability to handle change almost entirely. Sometimes there's an incident where he will go into tantrum city at the thought of change but it's getting more and more rare. LOL. Now add little Miss Emily to this mix....PEACE is actually a JOKE!

But let's get back to peace...what is it? I think I vaguely remember peace. I used to have a place where I could lose the whole stinking world. I used to write fictional stories but haven't done that in such a long time that I am positive it's another lifetime ago. The closest thing I get to peace these days is the middle of the night when the whole family is asleep except me and I can sit and surf the Internet or scrap or buy stuff I don't need on eBay. Not quite the answer you were looking for but there you have it.